The sound of fear

Maybe you can't hear the sound my heart makes when it starts to fear. Fear of what you have just said. Fear of whether I have said something wrong. At this point the fear is manageable and our conversation still rests on level ground, but the thoughts start to spiral away from me as the … Continue reading The sound of fear

Advertisements

Conspiracy Connections Everywhen and Everywhere

'You're Paranoid. You're Paranoid. They're coming to get you.' The best way to describe my experience of paranoia in July 2015 was that everything suddenly clicked in my mind. Every detail of my life suddenly made sense; an alternative explanation and perspective started to dominate my thoughts. Everything and everyone throughout my life had a connection to the conspiracy threatening me. It was … Continue reading Conspiracy Connections Everywhen and Everywhere

If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad – Sylvia Plath

After a lifetime of living with depression, it was not depression that almost killed me, but paranoia. Over the course of about a year of working on time-consuming experiments with the ever-present threat of the end of my research contract and work-sponsored UK visa, I became more and more convinced that I was being secretly filmed in the … Continue reading If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad – Sylvia Plath