Never Good Enough

So every night, for the past week or so, I have had vivid nightmares. The medics suggested it might be the high levels of medicine that I am taking, but it is not pleasant nor conducive to sleeping soundly and at the correct times of the night.

The other night, I woke from a nightmare to be greeted by the following stream of thoughts. When I told them to my husband, he responded to each with some counter thoughts. Reading through the series of negative thoughts and (counter thoughts) later, I realised they were helpful for me and might be helpful for others and so I am sharing them.

never good enough (maybe need more time and training)

insecure (unstructured)

afraid of people’s criticism (need to ask for help)

only see the bad in what I do (takes a long time and practice to be good)

no matter how hard I try, it will never be good enough (need to learn to be good, not good straight out of the box)

tired of trying (ask for help)

see a series of failures in life (learn from the failures, find out what steps I can take to reach a level where I am doing work I can be proud of, learning experience)

How can I meet expectations (Manage expectations, learn from feedback)

How can I be more realistic (need to learn, gain experience)

How do I know what is good enough (ditto response above)

Feel like everything is related to me, put there just for me, contain secret, hidden messages (pointed out a few things that were clearly not related to me)

It is helpful to have someone to voice the counter thoughts. Maybe someday I will be able to provide the counter thoughts myself. Will keep working at CBT and keep trying.